Sean Simmans Dot ComCharles Wayne, Producer

Spoiler Alert: A Quiet Place

by Sean Simmans

illustration by Sean Simmans

A Quiet Place is the tenth entry in a series of films about blind monsters who lash out at noise. After having their asses whopped by Vin Diesel in Pitch Black, the creatures have devised a mind-weapon that mostly causes human beings to forget how to use firearms or defend themselves...and it’s up to Jim Halpert to rebel them.

Halpert is an importer of white beach sand, residing in rural Kentucky, and he has devised a method to harvest corn soundlessly, without utilizing standard agricultural tools. He has also discovered Nikolai Tesla’s secret notebooks, allowing him to extract safe, renewable electricity out of thin air.

Things get dicey when, after a disastrous trip to town for pharmaceuticals, Jim’s stay-at-home wife, Bessie, decides she wants another baby. Jim can’t tell Bessie that he thinks this is a terrible idea, because the two of them are unable to communicate using spoken language. Hijinks and hilarity ensue.

Because of her dementia, Bessie has plans to store her baby in a tiny coffin. She has become dangerous and unruly, and Jim is at his wits’ end. He cannot decide who is the bigger threat to what’s left of humanity—the blind monsters outside, or the insane woman in the bathtub?

After a contemplative trip to a serene waterfall, where Jim is finally able to scream out his frustrations, he returns home and decides, at long last, to end his own life.

His final wacky invention: an ear-device that will turn the tide and give humanity a fighting chance.

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