Saucetown Interview: Jade Nile
Saucetown: What type of pizza does a professional sexy lady eat, and why? What pizzas would you recommend staying away from?
Jade Nile: I recommend eating all the pizza. Especially if it’s vegan and gluten free. But make sure the cheese is real. You know, keep your pizza priorities straight.
Saucetown: You've performed locally, via feature sets at Kit Kat Club. How do you like the NW? Why are there so many damn hipsters in Portland and how do you deal with that crowd? What are your true, honest thoughts on Pabst Blue Ribbon?
Jade Nile: I love the PNW so much I’ve moved here twice this year. The hipsters drove me out of town and then brought me back. Love hate relationship, you know? Pabst is like their water, and I admire how the hipsters bathe it in. I tried it once. Not for me. I’ll stick around though.
(illustration by Sean Simmans)
Saucetown: You're stuck on a desert island. The three things you are allowed to pick for this hypothetical scenario were washed away to see. So, the better question is, what happened and why are you stuck on a desert island?
Jade Nile: All my ex boyfriends banded together and kidnapped me and sent me there. Lol. Little did they know I’d still be web camming from the island so they still can’t get rid of me.
Saucetown: Being "Jade Nile," can you finally reveal the truth about the pyramids? Were they really built by aliens?
Jade Nile: Yeah. It’s obvious. Cats are aliens and enslaved us to doing their bidding. That’s why I worship my cats.
Saucetown: How are you coping with the death of Harambe? How has it affected your ability to perform?
Jade Nile: I had to take a two year hiatus. I shaved my head. I had to go find myself. And after two years I was able to shoot again. It was traumatic, you know?
Saucetown: The adult entertainment industry and politics don't share a whole lot in common. One is a disgusting, payment-under-the-table, morally deprived gutter that thrives entirely on the disgusting, selfish desires of men, while the other is just porn. However, if you were to switch up and get involved in politics, what would be your platform, your slogan and the biggest chunk of dirt that your opponent would be able to use against you?
Jade Nile: I’d stick with Porn and push for the legality of sex work. I would run on a platform on the importance of sexual education and proper legal rights for sex workers of all kinds. But I’m going to school for psychology to be a sex counselor, not looking to hold office because my ex boyfriends could band together and probably come up with enough shit easily to get me kicked out of anywhere haha....
Saucetown: Beards on hipster guys: In or out? Why or why not?
Jade Nile: I have no idea. I like beards though.
Saucetown: What's in your iPod, stereo, or record player right now?
Jade Nile: Sara Bareilles, like always.
Saucetown: What's in your fridge?
Jade Nile: A plastic bloody foot covered with plastic wrap, among other things.
Saucetown: Can we have a bite? Why or why not?
Jade Nile: You’re welcome to it. My roommate said you’re always welcome over.
Saucetown: What recently popular meme do you relate to most, and why?
Jade Nile: Anything with a cat on it speaks to me, you know?
Saucetown: If you could save one remaining Beatle from dying, besides Ringo, would you?
Jade Nile: ...yeah?
Saucetown: When's the best time for a semi-famous pornstar to go grocery shopping? What does one buy?
Jade Nile: There is no bad time as long as it’s open. Last night I got sour kraut, Tempe, cabbage, spinach, coconut yogurt, kombucha and a pizza (obviously).
Saucetown: Anything else you'd like to say to our readers?
Jade Nile: If you hit me up online (this link goes to Instagram—totally SFW) and mention this interview, I’ll send you a nude.