I know it’s fashionable to be all anti-patriotic these days, with all the damn kids running around in their safe spaces, demanding to take away my guns, but listen here, people: I’ll have you know, they can take away my first two amendments. But, I’m not gonna budge when it comes to the third one. As the bumper sticker explicitly states "No Soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law."
Listen up, Uncle Sammy: I am the owner of my house, and I do not give you permission to quarter here. Okay, let’s take a few steps back...technically, Capital One owns our house. We were given a really bad loan, but we needed the extra room for our baby. Regardless, that extra room now houses a lovely teenage girl, and we will not be allowing troops of any kind to invade her quarters, my quarters or any other quarters, including the ones in the couch.
People may think it’s asinine to suggest that the government wants to take our 3rd Amendment rights away, but the useful idiots on the media news networks are always telling us, "If you don’t agree to provide housing to the troops during wartime, you’re not American." Look here, CNN: you can take away my futon when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
I know damn well that the military houses some of the best and brightest our country has to offer, so I don’t need to be woken up at midnight, during some bullcrap war, just to be told that I need to give up the good chair for some punk who forgot to book his stay at Hotel Iraq or whatever. When they said that Obama was gonna take our guns, I just went out and bought more. so, now that i know our government is likely trying to turn our family’s home into an Air B-n-B for the navy, I’ll just go on record and say that I won’t let anyone with a uniform into my house, warrant or not.