Ask Candi Brandywine: Grieving A Lost Boyfriend

@CandiBrandyWine is a full-time, professional advice columnist. You may contact her by email with your question, or you may follow her on Twitter and on Instagram.

"Dear Candi,

I’ve recently been dealing with the death of my boyfriend, who was taken from us in a freak car accident while driving to the beach. Do you have any advice for how to process such a tragic loss?"

Oh my gosh, I love the beach!!! Wait, first of all, I am so sorry that your BF died on you. Totally not cool and V inconvenient. But I do wonder, why was he going to the beach without you in the first place? Seems like maybs he was cheating with a side b*tch? I will never understand why men can’t just let a girl know when he’s not feeling the relationship anymore, ya know? They have to go all out and be dramatic and then end up getting killed. Whatever. Anyways, back to your question—in my opinion, you have dodged a bullet and you should be feelin’ single and ready to mingle, girlfriend! But, I totes understand that some people need time to process these things, so here’s my advice:

You absolutely need to get a hold of his debit and credit cards—after all, he is dead (and was likely cheating on you) and his sh*t will be going to probate soon, anyways. You deserve that money A) for him leaving your ass and B) because I’m sure there were times in your relationship when he refused to buy you something in’s what he would have wanted anyways, right? ;) Get your adorable ass up to Washington Square Mall and TREAT. YO. SELF!!! You’re mourning, after all! Be sure to hit all the cute shops, but you cannot forget Nordy’s, Lush, VS and the Apple Store. Here’s why:

Nordy’s—You will be able to find TONS of super cute new accessories to distract your sad self. FYI, canary yellow is the new millennial pink!!! Don’t forget to add a floppy sun hat to your purchase for all the shade you’ll be throwing at all of those jealous b*tches hating on your cute single self! #WINNING

Lush—Since you’re like totally mourning such a tragic loss, you’re bound to feel a little stressed. Lush has literally the BEST anti-stress bath bombs and body scrubs! I recommend the lavender or the twilight bombs. Oh what the hell, get both—you’re upset and deserve to be extra zen’ed out!

V.S.—You’ll want to pick up a gorgeous new silk robe and nighty set, as you will probs be crying later (and just because you’re sad, doesn’t mean you have to look like trash, honey). While you’re at it, try some new perfumes—this part is SO important, because your old fragrance will remind you too much of your dead boyfriend, and you are trying to move on, Sweets! Your new signature smell should be something entirely different—something that screams, "I am so single and horny, but I’m still that b*tch." Ya know, keep it classy, like ALL V.S. scents :)

Apple Store—I bet your phone is packed full of old texts from your boo, including tons of cute pics of you both from last year’s vacation...time for a new phone, sister. Keeping your current phone will only make you think about you-know-who. I recommend the newest iPhone, of course, a glitter case, an extra charger and, why not, grab a Macbook, too! This will all make you feel SO much better.

When you’re home, watch movies like P.S. I Love You and The Notebook, to help you cry that sh*t out and get it all out of your system. Don’t forget to keep that dairy-free Ben & Jerry’s within arms reach (dairy-free will help you avoid getting bloated—you’re welcome)! When you’re done blubbering, watch movies like Legally Blonde—they will literally motivate the shit out of you to become the independent and productive woman you are! You like won’t even be sad anymore, and you’ll be all "Dead BF, who?"

After a few days of dealing with all of this in the healthiest of ways, that I have so perfectly described, you’ll be back at the local nightclub in no time, singing and dancing your heart out to "Despacito" and getting hit on by those creepy over-aged men!!!

I hope this helps you get over the death of your boyfriend, just like it did for me the last three times :)

Luv ‘n’ Hugs!

—@CandiBrandywine ♡

Do YOU have a question for @CandiBrandyWine? Feel free to email her at [email protected] with your question. Or, if you’re brave, follow @CandiBrandyWine on Twitter and Instagram.

(Click Here For More Advice From @CandiBrandywine)

Return Home

Sean Simmans Dot ComCharles Wayne, Producer

Canyon Cannabis Buddy's Junk Removal & Recycling Bend Comedy The Art Of Sean Simmans Speedy Jane's Charlie's Deli