Saucetown News
Saucetown News
Sean Simmans Dot ComCharles Wayne, Producer


March / April 2019

Economists and casual beer drinkers have both indicated an exhaustion in the tap housing market, with the trend of smug bar owners charging nine dollars for a warm pint of apple-flavored lager expected to come to a long-awaited halt sometime this summer.

Dro Bixby, owner of The Best Little Taphouse In Keizer, admits that the majority of his clientele is only frequenting his bar because they lack basic common sense.

"We have this stuff, Fuzzy Pineapple Stout, from Bend. It tastes like black mold mixed with cheap perfume and the college kids pay, like, eleven bucks a glass to drink it. Plus, we serve it lukewarm on a sticky counter top and somehow our Yelp review is sitting just above 4 stars. Sadly, we’re going to have to pack this racquet up and skip town, once folks figure out they can get good beer at Keizer Mart for an eighth of the price we charge for this organic dirt water."

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