With the holidays soon approaching, many travelers are coming face-to-face with their fear of flying. However, a recent study has confirmed that a person boarding an airplane is over ten times less likely to die than a Winco shopper.

This statistic increases vastly when adjusted for Winco visits that occur after midnight.

"It makes sense," an area pilot reported to Saucetown. "When’s the last time you had a forklift run over your foot while in an aisle seat?"