FEDS TO LIST GIRL SCOUT COOKIES AS SCHEDULE II NARCOTIC
May / June 2019
After years of fleecing the American people for their hard-earned cash, the Girl Scouts Of America have just been dealt a tough blow in the form of federal sanctions against their peddling of addictive, savory, chemical-laced snack products.
According to government sources, the Girl Scouts have been targeting urban communities specifically, going as far as to knock on doors and set up display stands at local WalMart stores.
"It’s disgusting, how they target our neighborhood, sell us poison, take our money and then come back the next day to do it all over again," one local resident told Saucetown.
"To be honest, though, my favorite flavor is ’Thin Mint’ and the little brat who usually brings me my sh*t is late today. I’m really hoping she didn’t get busted. I mean, I know I can quit any time I want. I just need one more box of those sweet, precious cookies."